This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i out mim tonsoeep
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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