she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
not ubering you a puppy
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
