the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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