Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
