Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
