dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
