just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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