I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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