Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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