I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need to stop coming to work sober
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
