I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
