I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I need to align my fucking chakras
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
