I hope mine doesn't look like that
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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