your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They are going to name an STD after you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
