dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
