she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
