what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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