Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's blow job season.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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