Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
