The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
