dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
