VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
