What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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