im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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