found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize