He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize