The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't deserve a penis
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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