my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
