I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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