"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
