If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
