Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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