I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
