I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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