My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
