I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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