I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize