he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
