i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
