This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The power of my boobs compel you
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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