i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
