so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize