Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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