I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
