Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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