This house was built for laser tag.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
