the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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