Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
