U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
3pm strippers are depressing
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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