she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i dont even know how to be here
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize