Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
