Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
