OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
