And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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