I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize