i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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