Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
