I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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