Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize