there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
