i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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