In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
