I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This is the high leading the old right now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
