Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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