I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
