Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
