OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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