There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
